When I was a kid, Mr. T gave us some pretty memorable parenting advice of the 1980s: “Treat Your Mother Right.” If you've ever seen the video, it is every bit as gloriously 1980s as that sentence suggests. There are gold chains, music, a very serious message about respecting your mother and the kind of production that could only have existed in that decade.

It's funny to look back on now, but the message stuck with me. And these days, as a husband and a dad, I realize that my kids are watching how I treat their mom. They're not only listening to what I tell them about respect or kindness. They're watching what I actually do.

They notice when I give my wife a hug as I walk through the door, kiss her for no particular reason, make her laugh or take her on a date. They notice when I put my phone down and actually listen to her. They see whether I make time for her and whether our relationship still matters in the middle of work, kids, schedules, responsibilities and everything else life throws our way.

I want them to see that love is something worth continuing to work at.

Of course, they also see the less polished parts. My wife and I disagree. We get frustrated. We have bad days. Sometimes we're tired, stressed or simply not our best selves. We don't often have big, dramatic fights, but our kids still see that two people who genuinely love each other can disagree.

And maybe even more importantly, they see what happens next. They see us listen. They see us apologize. They see us give each other grace and figure things out. Sometimes we laugh about it. Sometimes we agree to disagree.

Sometimes one of us has to admit we were wrong and try to do better the next time. That matters too. Because our kids aren't only learning what a relationship looks like when everything is going well. They're learning what love looks like when things are hard.

They're watching how we work as a team. How we speak to each other. How we support each other when life gets complicated. Who notices when the other person has had a long day and picks up a little extra. Whether we keep showing up for one another when it would be easier to stay frustrated, distracted or wrapped up in ourselves.

One day, our kids will have relationships of their own. I hope they find people they love deeply, but I also hope they understand that a good relationship isn't one without struggles. It isn't measured by never disagreeing or always getting things right. It is built through listening, laughter, forgiveness, grace, affection, sacrifice and the willingness to keep choosing each other.

I can give my kids all the advice in the world about how they should treat the people they love.

But the truth is, they will probably learn much more from watching us.

I hope they see that loving someone isn't just about saying, “I love you.” It's in how I speak to their mom. How I listen to her. How I make time for her. How I show affection. How I handle disagreements. How I apologize when I'm wrong. How we laugh together. How I continue to choose her, even when life isn't easy.

I'm not trying to show my kids a perfect marriage. I'm trying to show them a real one.

One worth nurturing. One worth protecting. One worth showing up for, laughing through and continuing to grow.

And maybe, years from now, when they're building relationships and families of their own, some part of the way they love someone else will come from watching the way their dad loved their mom.